sounds nice. musically nicely done. is that real cello in there?
you might try to move the whole score back a second or more. I've been told this many times and often you find it does really interesting things. obviously there are a couple of BOOMs that need to stay where they are, but I feel like you are describing the onscreen emotions rather than acompanying them. the music is fine, but try the placement. if you let people see something, then react, or an actor see / hear / feel something, then the music does something it might work better.
right at the start, the very first note, she sits up and already the music says "drama", when you could start when she looks over and feels something. despair, worry.... wait for that moment.
so try the quick experiment to move the whole thing back a second or two. see what it does. Everything might fit together better.
of course, it'll seem odd, things you planned meticulously will "break", but you might be surprised how it just does something else instead. Also, definitenly at the end, you don't seem to hit the MONSANTO reveal. the whole film builds up to that shot. So I'd keep it mysterious while we still dont what what all the red stuff is. we see water, corn, red, but still dont understand. your music builds too early I think. wait for the reveal and then go for it then. We then "get it". but remember to wait. allow us to get it! then go.
I also found the ending a little strange. is it the end of the short, or just a scene from something larger? that's your moment to really hit an emotion of tragedy and pain as they stoically sit and watch helplessly. its a terrible situation, I would have thought. not go to silence?
finally, at the very beginning, when I didn't understand the story yet, when the father comes in, there is a slightly ominous chord as he takes his top off, and I wasn't sure if he was a baddie.
I'll keep it in mind, everything you say is true, maybe I rushed forward with the music what is going to happen in the scene. I'll keep working on it and follow all your rabbits. Thank you very much for your assessment and for this course, I have learned a lot!
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displayname3316641
Teacher Plussounds nice. musically nicely done. is that real cello in there?
you might try to move the whole score back a second or more. I've been told this many times and often you find it does really interesting things. obviously there are a couple of BOOMs that need to stay where they are, but I feel like you are describing the onscreen emotions rather than acompanying them. the music is fine, but try the placement. if you let people see something, then react, or an actor see / hear / feel something, then the music does something it might work better.
right at the start, the very first note, she sits up and already the music says "drama", when you could start when she looks over and feels something. despair, worry.... wait for that moment.
so try the quick experiment to move the whole thing back a second or two. see what it does. Everything might fit together better.
of course, it'll seem odd, things you planned meticulously will "break", but you might be surprised how it just does something else instead. Also, definitenly at the end, you don't seem to hit the MONSANTO reveal. the whole film builds up to that shot. So I'd keep it mysterious while we still dont what what all the red stuff is. we see water, corn, red, but still dont understand. your music builds too early I think. wait for the reveal and then go for it then. We then "get it". but remember to wait. allow us to get it! then go.
I also found the ending a little strange. is it the end of the short, or just a scene from something larger? that's your moment to really hit an emotion of tragedy and pain as they stoically sit and watch helplessly. its a terrible situation, I would have thought. not go to silence?
finally, at the very beginning, when I didn't understand the story yet, when the father comes in, there is a slightly ominous chord as he takes his top off, and I wasn't sure if he was a baddie.
anyway. hope this helps!
displayname2648874
Thank you for your comment!
I'll keep it in mind, everything you say is true, maybe I rushed forward with the music what is going to happen in the scene. I'll keep working on it and follow all your rabbits. Thank you very much for your assessment and for this course, I have learned a lot!
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