Hello rosa. Thank you very much for entering the course and congratulations on completing it. I hope that what we saw has served you and continues to serve you.
I just read "The Secret Agreement" and I am going to leave you some comments. As I always say in these cases, even if some of the comments are not positive or do not focus on what interests you most in your own text, please do not take them the wrong way. Consider that they are made with the intention of helping you continue to improve your work, and that in any case they are optional. You decide what you find useful, and what not, how much is recommended.
What I like the most about the text is the change in perspective that has more or less in the middle, from that of Ives to that of Cindy. Perspective changes
(generally many more than one) are common in long narratives such as novels; They are not so in the stories, although they were in another era.
On the other hand, I am a little concerned about the
intrigue that is constructed by placing the two different perspectives one after the other. Ives wonders if women are up to something, and what Cindy witnesses reveals that they are (including the seemingly supernatural revelation about Sharo in the last line). A story with such an argument (a question that is asked and then answered) can be totally valid if there is no surprise in the answer, as in the case of your text, but traditionally it is expected that there is some, simply because western cultures they have been used to this type of argument for centuries. I do not know if I know Sharo works as that surprise (that is, I do not know if the revelation that cats are associated with women and may even be the ones who take the initiative is enough), because there does not seem to be much more than what He tells us already in his project to monitor / control the neighborhood.
Finally, it seems to me that it is necessary to give a good review to the text to correct minor errors
(spelling signs of more or less and other things like that).
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displayname1597321
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Hello rosa. Thank you very much for entering the course and congratulations on completing it. I hope that what we saw has served you and continues to serve you.
I just read "The Secret Agreement" and I am going to leave you some comments. As I always say in these cases, even if some of the comments are not positive or do not focus on what interests you most in your own text, please do not take them the wrong way. Consider that they are made with the intention of helping you continue to improve your work, and that in any case they are optional. You decide what you find useful, and what not, how much is recommended.
intrigue that is constructed by placing the two different perspectives one after the other. Ives wonders if women are up to something, and what Cindy witnesses reveals that they are (including the seemingly supernatural revelation about Sharo in the last line). A story with such an argument (a question that is asked and then answered) can be totally valid if there is no surprise in the answer, as in the case of your text, but traditionally it is expected that there is some, simply because western cultures they have been used to this type of argument for centuries. I do not know if I know Sharo works as that surprise (that is, I do not know if the revelation that cats are associated with women and may even be the ones who take the initiative is enough), because there does not seem to be much more than what He tells us already in his project to monitor / control the neighborhood.
Thinking about the question of intrigue, I recommend (in case you don't already know them) these three texts, which pose questions about the events they relate and answer them in different and surprising ways: "El calor de Agosto" by WF Harvey , "In memoria de Paulina" by Adolfo Bioy Casares and "Beep" by James Blish .
Once again I thank you and wish you luck and success in your future endeavors.
@rosaildefonso
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@albertochimal I greatly appreciate your comments. I take them very seriously. Thank you.
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