Hello Blanca. Thank you very much for entering the course and congratulations on completing it. I hope that what we saw has served you and continues to serve you. And congratulations on your first steps in writing!
I just read your final project and I'm going to leave you some comments. As I always say in these cases, even if some of the comments are not positive or do not focus on what interests you most in your own text, please do not take them the wrong way. Consider that they are done with the intention of helping you continue to improve your work, and that in any case they are optional. You decide what you find useful, and what is not, of how much is recommended to you.
I think what I like most about your narrative is its ending, because the arrival of the yellow roses introduces a disconcerting element in what, until then, had been a very contemplative text, more reflective, of life observed with relative serenity over a prolonged period. The fact that it is not known who brought the flowers, or what "happened" later with your protagonist, seems good to me too, because it leaves the impression that the enigmatic can be prolonged, even if her life itself does not change. It is as if the moment were a small jolt, capable of making us look differently even at an uneventful existence.
There is a kind of unresolved tension between the dreams
(which keep the protagonist intrigued, but about which we never learn more) and the mysterious finding of the flowers. I say tension because mentions of dreams might leave, at least to some readers, the impression that they must be related to flowers, even if you didn't intend them to think so. This occurs because Western cultures are used to reading stories and other forms of narrative following a principle called "unit of effect", by which it is assumed that all the parts of a story must be considered as important for the final effect that a narrative achieves. . If you don't want this "relationship" to be perceived, mentions of dreams should be de-emphasized.
Finally, I recommend that you review your punctuation a little more, and especially the use of commas. It is very common that we use them as a kind of separator between one part and another of any sentence or phrase, but remember that on certain occasions it is better to use other signs, to suggest more precise intonations or to more clearly compartmentalize different portions of the same speech.
In case you do not know them, in the list that follows I leave you links to three contemplative stories of different styles. Perhaps they can serve as examples to review your text or write similar ones later.
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Very pretty!
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Paola, thank you very much for your comment. It is my first writing experience and I am glad to know that you liked it.
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Docent PlusHello Blanca. Thank you very much for entering the course and congratulations on completing it. I hope that what we saw has served you and continues to serve you. And congratulations on your first steps in writing!
I just read your final project and I'm going to leave you some comments. As I always say in these cases, even if some of the comments are not positive or do not focus on what interests you most in your own text, please do not take them the wrong way. Consider that they are done with the intention of helping you continue to improve your work, and that in any case they are optional. You decide what you find useful, and what is not, of how much is recommended to you.
In case you do not know them, in the list that follows I leave you links to three contemplative stories of different styles. Perhaps they can serve as examples to review your text or write similar ones later.
"At night"
"The poet"
"The April Fish"
Once again I thank you and wish you luck and success in your future projects.
@blancavmaldonado
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